Yeah. I guess the saying "you live and you learn" applies here.

[ He shrugs his shoulders as he stares at the ceiling, mulling things over in his head. It's true that he's died a lot-- so many times that he can't even count it, but it doesn't bother him anymore. The life that matters is this current one. ]

And you're right. In the past, I saw humans as disgusting. That they were creatures simply of filth that would defy their original purpose by continuing to suffer. That they were contradictory-- that they consisted of both good and evil. I kind of envied people because in spite of all hatred and ugliness that the world could possibly offer... they could still carry on.

As someone who used to be nothing, I wanted to be like that. I wanted to reach that. I wished to be human. To have emotions, even if they were all fake. [ He laughs a little bit, in a hollow way. ] That's selfish of me, isn't it? That somehow... I'm grateful to this place for helping me realize that. That I'm able to become a person and potentially not disappear back into the nothingness that I came from.

[ Tsukasa is stronger than he'd ever even imagined... ]

It's amazing, isn't it? How strong people can be in the face of adversity.

[ Terra admires a lot of things about people, but chief of that is their ability to hold faster. With the strength in their hearts, people can band together, as one, and face the oncoming darkness. ]

...I really don't think that kind of wish, that desire, is selfish. I spoke to Rebecca a few weeks back, you know. She and I had talked about it--that there were some good experiences we've had while we were here. And speaking to some of the people here, especially Akira and Rebecca, helped me realize something good too.

That the things I was taught weren't necessarily true, and I...I still had good in me, despite all that darkness.

So, I think if there's something good that we can take from all of this, and it's not something that'll hurt others, it can't really be a bad thing at all.

I know I'm glad you'd realized what you did. Seeing you suffer a fate like that would be painful.

Yeah. It really is amazing. Everyone here... is strong. I've always considered myself as weak, but I want to get stronger.

[ He was known as the weakest Servant. He couldn't do much. He used to be nothing. He didn't have a form. His Noble Phantasm can only hurt others. ]

I don't want to hurt anybody anymore. But I'm aware that I'm probably going to make a lot of mistakes, too. In the past, I was fine with just disappearing. Since it would be going back to the natural order of things.

I want to live... for everyone else. Because even though we might have suffered a lot, there's still a lot of good that can be found here. And that's why I can't forgive those in charge of this place. They don't give anyone a single chance to make up for their mistakes in the slightest bit.

Don't sell yourself short--I think you've got a lot of inner strength yourself, Tsukasa.

[ He smiles slightly as he says this, because he means it--going through all of that and still coming out a decent person who wants to improve himself? That's evidence of his own strength. ]

I think that's a good reason to keep moving forward--for it to be for your sake and everyone else here. After all of this, I hope I do get a chance to show you what my world is like. I was serious about letting you and Akira see it and everyone there.

[ ... ]

I can't forgive them either.

They need to answer to what they've done--what they've made everyone here go through. Especially that headmaster...and if he believes he's going to get off scot free, he has another thing coming.

[ He grips one of his own hands into a tight fist. ]

You think so?

[ There's a bit of a questioning look in Tsukasa's own face-- like he somehow doesn't believe Terra entirely. ]

And I hope you will. There's still something I have to absolutely finish back home first, though, so it might take a while.

[ He nods, though. ]

Yeah. He needs to repent for his actions. That's why... no matter what happens, I won't allow him to die, either. And torturing him isn't the answer. It won't make us better than he is, and it won't make him understand, in the end.

Yeah, I really do. I'm not just saying that either.

[ Terra looks only a little perturbed but...he thinks he can understand the confusion. Maybe. ]

... I wish you good luck with that.

[ ... Though, at his other words, Terra falls silent. He...

He thought he was a good person, after all of that. But the feeling he receives from the idea that Jim doesn't experience pain in those situations generates an awful sensation within him. It's full of darkness--hatred, and rage, barely contained within.

Not at Tsukasa, but at Jim. ]

...I understand that's what you want to do.

[ ...

His words are just suddenly kind of clipped and strange-sounding. And then: ]

But, regardless of whatever happens with him, I don't think we can make a person like that ever understand, Tsukasa.

I want to prevent both of those things from happening because I don't want anyone, not even someone I hate to experience it. Maybe it's being too kind... or perhaps I just don't want a repeat of my own experiences.

[ It's strange, that he used to consider himself as the villain. That he'd put himself out there like that-- as All the Evil in the World. He'd act haughty on purpose, to make others hate him so he could act the role that he was given.


That's what he thought he was supposed to be. ]

We never know until we try. Maybe he won't understand, and I'm fine if that truly is the answer. I don't think I'll ever like him, after what he did to Rebecca. But at the very least. I want to find out the truth, without any lies.

If he's truly human, then... [...] I don't know. We'll just have to find out.

I understand why you would feel that way.

I don't think I'd be comfortable with anything or anyone else but us making sure he can't do what he did again. As long aa we know, for sure, that he's stopped, maybe I can accept him living.

[ Terra doesn't trust this world to be able to take care of him, so if they have to decide on something, it has to be a permanent solution made and enforced by their own hands.

He states maybe because nothing can stop Terra from wishing the worst on James. The time frame for that has passed. ]

Still, I want to know his motivations. But I'll tell you that I'll never understand him, and I don't want to either. He's the worst human being and that's the conclusion I've come to on that.

Edited 2018-09-25 04:06 pm (UTC)

[ Tsukasa nods, a little quiet in response. He gets it, though-- after everything that they've been through, they all deserve to have a that happy ending. To make sure that all of this cannot happen again.

He's tired of having things happen over and over again. It reminds him of things that he'd rather not think about. ]

Yeah. We have to at least make certain of that. I don't want this to repeat again...

[ He doesn't want everyone to stoop to a level that would make them no better than the administration. It won't be worth it. And even though there's times that he'd think about doing the worst-- doing the one thing that he was extremely good at, he knows it isn't worth it. ]

That's understandable, Terra. And I won't force you to think otherwise, though.