[ He opens the door a crack as he tries to smile a little bit, but it's a bit strained. ]

Yeah... I am. Did you want to come in?

Yeah, I did.

[ He'll wait patiently first for the other to move, though. ]

Brought something to eat too. We need to keep up our strength.

[ He opens the door all the way-- his room's pretty neat as always, all the stuff he's collected on the table. ]

Thanks. You didn't have to, though.

Of course I had to.

[ His voice ia not admonishing, though. Kind of gentle; they were both going through an extremely rough time right now.

Terra placed the food on the desk onxe he came in. ]

How are you holding up?

Edited 2018-10-05 10:17 pm (UTC)

Honestly?

[ Tsukasa shakes his head as he lets him in before flopping onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. ]

I don't know. I've never... felt like this before.

Never felt so at a loss? Or is it something else?

[ He knows he's feeling...complex about this whole thing himself. ]

Yeah. I don't know what's going to happen after all of this. I... guess I can go back home, like I was supposed to.

...Even if that's what happened to Akira, there's a way to bring them back, right?

[ The dead, he means. ]

So, I've been hoping that somehow that'd end up the case.

[ Even if what he saw was disheartening. ]

Even if we can bring him back... it still hurts. I can't just simply forget what happened.

[ He grits his teeth, just looking rather distressed as he grabs onto one of the pillows for a second and then lets go. ]

I won't forgive them.

[ Terra will nod...

That's what it was. The brunet remembers the pain he felt when he saw the scene--and though he couldn't put it into words, Tsukasa did it for him. ]

I won't forgive them either.

They'll pay for what they've done...and if they expect us to go easy on them...

[ He'll suddenly clench one of his hands into a fist. ]

They have another thing coming. [ ... ] Especially Jim.

[ His eyes widen for a moment before he finds himself getting up to sit a little more properly. ]

Yeah. I just... I don't know how I'm going to deal with the trial tomorrow. I don't want to play with this farce-- with this witch hunt anymore.

[ Terra closes his eyes for a moment, but when he opens them, the intensity remains the same, although he turns to the food in the room--of course he brought plates, so he'll begin to settle them onto two of the plates he brought. ]

I don't want to either, and I've resolved to not ultimately do what they want. But, we might have to think about this a little more...carefully, if we want to come out on top of this.

[ ...His expression looks...thoughtful. For a given value of the word. It's clear he's already given this ample consideration. ]

First of all, and personally, I don't think we should go into that trial room unarmed.

Second, we might have to act as if we will play along with their game. They seem to think we won't resist...but that's where we'll prove them wrong.

I'm planning on bringing all of my stuff with me. But... I suppose I could play along with them, just a bit longer.

[...]

I just... somehow, feel really lost and alone, even if you guys are here.

Edited 2018-10-06 01:48 am (UTC)

[ Terra pauses at that, and then turns to face Tsukasa once more with the food in his hands. He's much more animated than earlier, though his energy seems to come from anger, if more focused now. ]

I'm here, Tsukasa. I know you've said you realize that you're not alone because all of us are here with you. But I think it helps when it's not just yourself saying that.

[ There we go, he's finished distributing the food evenly across the plates. ]

I know I'm not Akira, but I know how badly it hurt. Even after I saw what happened, I felt lost and for a moment...I really wondered if it mattered. If we could do anything. What was the point in trying, if he wasn't there?

[ ... ]

Akira meant -- no, means -- so much to me. More than what I can even express--there's a lot I've spoken to him with that I haven't with most people. Akira is one of the best friends I've ever made while I was here, and he's always been a light in the darkness. I think I may have been the same for him at times, even if recently it's been difficult for us to really be either. Without him, I would've lost faith long ago.

There's...only one other person who's been able to be by my side more than Akira has.

[ He then shakes his head, as if to get himself back on track. ]

But, we have to be strong. We can't falter right now, and if you feel you can't quite get there just yet, let me be your strength. Together, we will find a way to bring an end to this, and finally obtain the happiness we deserve.

[ His gaze can't really meet Terra's-- instead, he just finds himself glancing not at the ceiling, but at the pillow next to him, looking almost contemplative, perhaps even a little melancholic, too. ]

...

[ He can't say anything. Not for a long while, anyway. It all just feels like the knife is being twisted in his chest every single second that passes. And it's a feeling that he never thought that he'd be able to have.

Not as himself. ]

My only chance is if we can somehow bring them back. Otherwise, my life... there's no meaning to anything at all. Akira, he- [ His voice hesitates, his gaze fixed onto the pillow for another moment before he shakes it off, trying to look back at Terra, finally. ] He was literally my lifeline for me. He actually validated my existence as myself. Not as "Emiya Shirou". Not as "Angra Mainyu".

But as Satou Tsukasa, the name that I've made for myself.

[ He sighs, a little heavy with grief. ]

I've said it before. I'm really not strong at all. I was always the weakest Servant because I couldn't beat any other Servants-- I was only good at killing humans. But then I came here. I learned so much. I made mistakes, but somehow... he managed to forgive me for them.

It was strange.

How strong he really was. Or maybe he was trying to be strong for my sake. Because of how weak I honestly was. Sometimes it made me feel like maybe I wasn't doing enough for him. That I didn't... feel worthy of having feelings for him.

Edited (html pls) 2018-10-06 03:34 am (UTC)

[ Terra's still looking intently at Tsukasa, even as he continues to speak. His gaze is more cold, but not without consideration. He was convinced that he had been saying the right words.

It's what he would've normally said, right? These are words he tells himself as he stands, turning over Tsukasa's own in his head. Go about this more logically, comes a thought, and he turns more firm in his tone. ]

Then clearly failure isn't an option.

If you can't live without him, then don't imagine any of us walking out of here without any of the dead with us. Use that as your motivation, as your strength, to keep going and pushing through this. Our friends are counting on us, and we can't afford to let the Administration break us; otherwise they're the ones who'll come out winning, with the blood of our friends on their hands, and with no consequences for their actions.

[ Strength was still important to him--even now Terra couldn't stand it...weakness, that is. But he knew his heart was weak, because of what'd happened. ]

...I'm sure you've done more than enough for him. It may not seem like it, but every moment shared between each person counts, and for some people just being by their side's more than enough. It has to be the same for Akira.

And he'll tell you as much, by the end of this.

[ "Failure isn't an option."

Ultimately, Terra's right, though-- they can't just stumble at the last step here. But that's what he's felt like he's done. He's felt like they were almost at the finish line and he's been left behind. But wasn't that always how it was supposed to go?

...

No, he's decided to trust everyone. Even if someone out there is...

He closes his eyes, tries to cool off his feelings by taking a breath through his nose and shake his head. He had to shake himself out of these negative thoughts and feelings. ]

You're right. We need to end this, not just for us. But for everyone that's died. Both in this group, and the last one. And any other deaths that were caused by the Administration. We'll end it here, so nobody else has to go through this. Nobody deserves to.

[ Not even the worst of people, he thinks. ]

I'll have to ask. I want to hear it straight from him. And more importantly... when I see him again, I'm going to yell at him. He's also getting a punch, as well. For worrying everyone and doing something so stupid like that.